CLEAN JOKES

TIGHT FIT

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on?

He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn’t want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said,
“Teacher, they’re on the wrong feet.” She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn’t any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.

He then announced, “These aren’t my boots.” She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, “Why didn’t you say so?” like she wanted to do. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off.

He then said, “They’re my brother’s boots. My Mom made me wear them.” She didn’t know if she should laugh or cry. She than mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots onto his feet again.

She said, “Now, where are your mittens?” He said,

“I stuffed them in the toes of my boots…”

THUNDER AND LIGHTNING

A small child walked daily to and from school. Though the weather one morning was questionable and clouds were forming, this child made the daily trek to the elementary school.

As the day progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning.

The mother was worried that her child would be frightened walking back home from school, and she herself feared the electrical storm might harm her child.

Following the roar of the thunder, lightning would cut through the sky like a flaming sword. Being concerned, the mother got into her car and drove along the route to her child’s school. Soon she saw her small child walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up at the sky and smile.

One followed another, each time with her child stopping, looking at the streak of light and smiling. Finally, the mother called and asked, “What are you doing!”

Her child answered,
” I’m smiling for God, He keeps taking pictures of me.”

TWO BOYS

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10,
who were excessively mischievous.
They were always getting into trouble
and their parents knew that,
if any mischief occurred in their town,
their sons were probably involved.

The boys’ mother heard that a
clergyman in town
had been successful in disciplining children,
so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually.
So the mother sent her 8-year-old in first that morning,
with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice,
sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,
“Where is God?”

The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response,
sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide eyed.
So the clergyman repeated the question
in an even sterner tone,
“Where is God!!?”
Again the boy made no attempt to answer.
So the clergyman raised his voice even more
and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed,
“WHERE IS GOD!?”

The boy screamed and bolted from the room,
ran directly home and dove into his closet,
slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet,
he asked, “What happened?”

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,
“We are in BIG trouble this time, dude.
God is missing - and they think WE did it.!”

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