Jokes
Boss
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says:
“The parrot on the left costs 500 dollars”.
“Why, does the parrot cost so much” asks the first man.
The owner says, “Well the parrot knows how to use a computer”.
The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.
Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question
“What can it do?”
To which the owner replies “To be honest, I have never seen it do a thing but the other two call him boss!”.
A dinner conversation that went wrong….
WIFE: “What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?”
HUSBAND: “Definitely not!”
WIFE: “Why not – don’t you like being married?”
HUSBAND: “Of course I do.”
WIFE: “Then why wouldn’t you remarry?
HUSBAND: “Okay, I’d get married again.
WIFE: “You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).”
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: “Would you sleep with her in our bed?”
HUSBAND: “Where else would we sleep?”
WIFE: “Would you replace my pictures with hers?
HUSBAND: “That would seem like the proper thing to do.”
WIFE: “Would she use my golf clubs?”
HUSBAND: “No, she’s left-handed.”
WIFE: – - – silence – - -
HUSBAND: “Shit.”
Gender of the Computer
A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine Things like ‘chalk’ or ‘pencil,’ she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral.
Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, “What gender is a computer?”
The teacher wasn’t certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine One group was comprised of the girls in the class, and the other, of boys Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The group of girls concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1- In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2- They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3- They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4- As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.
The boys, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1- No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2- The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3- Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4- As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
IT Heights
HEIGHT OF ISOLATION: Two persons sitting side by side using emails to communicate with each other.
HEIGHT OF COWARDICE: Two persons fighting through emails.
HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS: Receiving no emails for a week.
HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION: The email server being down.
HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS: Writing a love mail and doing a ‘Send All.’
HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS: A person sending email to himself
HEIGHT OF EXPECTATION: Sending Indian cricket team an e-mail, wishing them to win a match
HEIGHT OF REPETITION: Forwarding an email to someone and receiving the same email forwarded back to you By some one in the receiving chain.
HEIGHT OF BROWSING: U r swimming in the water tank and shout ‘F1 F1 F1 ‘ instead of shouting ‘HELP’ when u are unable to swim…
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