Latest Jokes
Joke – my drivers license
I’ve sure gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,new knees Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make
me dizzy, winded, and subject to black outs. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my
driver’s license.
American Jewish joke
Three Texans are sitting together on an airplane. Two are hardy, tall men wearing cowboy boots and 10 gallon hats. The third is a little old Jewish man wearing a yalmuke, short pants, and high black sox with sandles.
The first Texan says: My name is Roger, I have 2000 acres and 3,000 head of cattle. I call my place “The Jolly Roger.”
The second Texan says: My name is Gene. I own 5.000 acres and 5,000 head. I call my place “Gene’s Ranch Estate.”
The little old Jewish man says: I own 200 acres and got no cattle.
And what do you call your place says Roger sarcastically.
Downtown Dallas says the old Jewish man.
Joke – Moshe in the computer yard
In Miami, Moshe is in his school’s computer courtyard writing a poem for the next girl he may encounter. By this time Moshe is very desperate for a girl. His computer is 125.The computers are divided by tiny walls. In computer 124 there is an unknown purse that was left behind by an unknown person. Moshe does not know this. Well, in his mind, Moshe is praying for a girl. Suddenly a very beautiful lady goes to computer 124. Moshe prays for a conversation. The conversation is guiven. Then Moshe prays for a laugh and the laugh is given. Finally Moshe prays for some information from her and that information is given ( the class in the auditorium she has in 15 minutes). Moshe is giving thanks to God for at least 10 minutes. Then the lady gets out from the computer without saying anything. Moshe thinking that she is going to be back is not letting a uniformed cop to get in computer 124.
COP: wHY can’t I get in this computer?
Moshe: Some girl is sitting in here right now .
Cop: Where is this girl?
Moshe:maybe she went to her class to talk to her teacher before her class begins, but she is going be back. By the way dont you see her purse?
Cop:this is nonsense
Moshe with his Heart in love remembers the class she was going to.
Moshe to the cop: I take you to her!
Moshe grabs the cop and takes him to her class.
Finally, all tired from running they open the door of the auditorium and Moshe still grabbing the cop histerically screams:
That’s her!!
Joke – GOD’S OFFER
A Jewish man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”
The man said, “Build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want.”
The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking: the supports required to reach the bottom of the ocean, and the concrete and steel it would take. It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me.”
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, “Lord, I vish I could understand mine vife. I vant know how she feels inside, vat she tinking when she gives me da silent treatment, vy she cries, vat she means ven she says ‘nothing’s wrong,’ and how I can make a voman truly happy.”
The Lord replied, “Do you want two lanes or four on that bridge?”
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